So, I was letting the standard rapper boasting slide when it was just coming from Weezie. It's understandable, and accepted as de rigueur for the form. But after having to put up with Kanye for so long, and now having to stomach the mainstream actually buying into and supporting this tripe, I just couldn't take it anymore. You can push a man just so far. And please, won't someone think of the children? Thus, the below list.
A note on the numbering: Except for the two cats at #1, it's completely arbitrary - I'm only numbering them to drive home the point with a huge, Charles Martel-sized hammer. As for those two gentlemen - I've spent the better part of 20 years trying to decide who's on top, and change my mind every six months or so. Thus, the tie.
As for everybody else, the list was just an angry stream-of conscious rant until I couldn't think of anyone else off the top of my head, and my hands cramped. You didn't have to be the best to make it, jes better than weezie.
And I think all of these cats are still alive, though I'm not really sure on #'s 17, 38, and 51. Even if they are dead, I'm certain that their rotting, festering corpses could spit something better than "Rodney King baby, come and beat me like a cop". I know ODB still can. (R.I.P., Big Baby Jesus, R.I.P.)
I am sure I've left out some deserving fellows. Please send me a shout-out with any additions you'd like to see, and I'll update and add them in. I'd love to see this list grow longer.
Now, as for you, Lil' Wayne....let me make this as clear as possible, you mush-mouthed dwarf: Your cavorting & capering may amuse, but you (and your rhymes) are trash, plain & simple, and the dust-bin of history is only waiting to sweep you away.
1) Kool G. Rap
1) Rakim
3) Jean Grae
4) MF Doom
5) Kool Keith
6) Del tha Funkee Homosapien
7) Mos Def
8) Talib Kweli
9) Pharoe Monch
10) The GZA
11) Raekwon
12) Ghostface Killah
13) Method Man
14) Biz Markie
15) Styles P
16) Jay Z
17) Craig Mack
18) Redman (Doc!! Reggie!! Brick City!!)
19) Slug
20) Nas
21) Sage Francis
22) Lateef
23) Lyrics Born
24) Gift of Gab
25) Chief Xcel
26) Special Ed
27) Aesop Rock
28) Pete Rock
29) CL Smooth
30) Prime Minister Pete Nice (ok…this one is debatable)
31) MC Serch
32) Dizzie Rascal
33) Saigon
34) Reks
35) Lupe Fiasco
36) That cat from Das FX
37) Big Boi
38) Kid Frost
39) BluePrint
40) Paris
41) Ice Cube
42) Yella
43) MC Ren
44) Big Daddy Kane
45) Kool Moe Dee
46) Eminem
47) Eyedea
48) Cee Lo Green
49) Havoc
50) Prodigy
51) King Tee
52) Trick Daddy
53) Murs
54) The Grouch
55) Eligh
56) LuckyIam
57) Scarub
58) Bicasso
59) Sunspot Jonz
60) Aesop the Black Wolf
61) Arata
62) Jeru the Damaga
63) Snoop
64) Warren G
65) The D.O.C.
66) Chuck D
67) Black Thought
68) Malice
69) Pusha T
70) Phonte
71) Big Pooh
72) Scarface
73) Chali 2na
74) Akil
75) Zaakir
76) Mark 7even
77) El-P
78) Vast Aire
79) Too $hort
80) Mr. Lif
81) J-Live
82) Posdnous
83) Trugoy the Dove
84) Pasemaster Mase
and.........85) C-Murder (who, you may be interested to know, was convicted of murder.)
Rest assured, Mr. Dorfman: I may be lost in the AK, but it is still a Hip-Hop Nation up in this b*tch.
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